Archive | May, 2013

dear emma grace,

as you’ve been getting older…and spending more time in that bathroom…it’s got me to thinkin’…

and i just want to be sure that you know

that i like your fashion “sense”…the way you mix and match your clothes…

and i like the shades and hues that you use…the mood they create on your face…

and i like the amazing things that you do with your hair…i was only ever barely able to get your one pony set straight!

but even more…i need to be sure that you know…

really to know

that the you beneath all of those stitches to “define” and hues to “enhance”…

the you…He madein His image

the most immeasurably…exquisitelybeautiful One

is the you i love most!

and nothing you do could ever truly improve upon what He thought to be already perfect…

His placing this right there…and that just so…

just the way He thought you most…best

and it’s really your sweetness…and compassionand grace…that truly enhance and amaze and draw others to you…

only all the deep-beneath-the-skin stuff that’s truly most beautiful…

and it’s all that true inner “pretty” that’s sure to peek out…through the simplest of embellishments, really…

that beautiful smile on your face!


very sincerely,
me (your loving-the-you-you’re-becoming mama)

– emmie’s inner pretty peaking right out!  (summer, 2000)

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100 piggies reside in this house…

(monday’s reason enough, i say!)

but when i’d folded and sorted all my way down to the very bottom of that mound of multitudinous “whites”



was the only straggler left in my basket still missing its mate!

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dear mom,

so, this is day three of me on these head-meds

and as you well know…it gets pretty interesting around here with my brain on these “drugs”…

this morning still in bed, i was telling my honey very important (to me) things…and relying on him to fill in the words my brain couldn’t land on with (for example) a simple“it starts with a “p”…”

and then…for some unknown reason…when i hollered out…“fourteen!”…the number of the day from an old “sesame street”…he just rolled right out of our bed with a…“that’s the drugs talking!”

and so i laid there…all alone and pathetic…pondering all the funky things that i’ve done…but mostly said…while taking these things!

why, just yesterday…i was having to explain myself to a dear idaho friend…

about how this drugged brain had told me to wish her a “happy birthday!” on tuesday…so i just sat right down and started to write her a note.  but then one small part of my brain (maybe one small sliver not all foggy) made me glance up at our calendar…and even lock on to the date.  which nudged the rest of my brain even to question…“it’s april 30?  gayle is a birthday-month buddy with me?  but i thought her day was may 3rd?!?”

and then i still proceeded to write…and then send her…that note!

and the next morning, as we were still rubbing the blur from our eyes…j. said, “it’s may day!”

and i just shot straight up…“it’s may first!  but i think i said “happy birthday” to gayle yesterday!”

and that’s when he said, “oh, honey…you can blame that on the drugs!”

and i told her about the time…after grampa richard had been in heaven for well over a year…i looked right at my father-in-law and asked, “how’s grampa doing?”

and when he just stared at me all-in-shock…i just looked over at j. in confusion…and he just said, “honey…your drugs…”

and…of course…i had to tell her the…classic…“this brain’s on drugs” time…

have i ever told you?

about how…that time 4 years ago now…when niecy and i were looking through pictures of little you still living in frisco.  and she was telling me all that she knew about how sick you were so often your whole first four years…

and we were especially drawn to that sad little picture of you turning three…

6-year-old auntie standing next to you lying in bed under covers…all utterly rosy-cheeked with fever…so frail with pneumonia…your little birthday cake perched right on your lap…the three candles still smoking from having been (probably with auntie’s help) just blown out…

such a sad little picture of sweet little you!

and i was so engrossed in her stories…so utterly mesmerized by that photo…that i just looked at her and asked…

“did she survive?”

and she just looked at me…

and said

“our mother?”

oh my

but i’m so glad that you did!  survive

and i know i will too!  this pain will subside

it alwayseventually…does!

and in the mean time…these drugs sure do help me to cope!

but i think i might just stick to myself today…just to be safe!

this brain…on these drugs…just can not be trusted!

there’s just absolutely no telling what else it might make me to do…

or heaven help me

to say!

very sincerely,


– my little mama aboard “pamela” on frisco’s bay (1948)

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dear mis(ter)chief,

so it’s lookin’ like…as of last weekend…it’s officially begun…

you livin’ most of your timeoutside!

and this is your typical outside attire…


a diaper…and that most happiest smile!

but…this…is you just still hardly gettin’ started!

typically…when we drag you back inside at the end of your day…that diaper’s been accessorized with any-and-always-whatever’s-available water…some well-placed bumps, scrapes and bruises…a smattering of grass just here and there…and a liberally applied all-over layer of mud!

and…sometimes…tears instead of that smile!

but…this…is you just pickin’ right back up where you left off at the end of last summer…


so, here’s to the next four months (or so), little mister mischief…

when all i expect to hear out of you is

“ ‘side?!? ”

very sincerely,
me (your lovin’-that-hannah-styled-happy-hairs-do mama)

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