i’ve been thinking that i’m a bit of a steamer…

i’ve moved through this life…eyes on the horizon…on to the next thing…pushing through…striving

scanning and watching and grasping for a life well-filled.

confused in the thinking that the big, extraordinary…occasional…moments happened upon, are the testament to how well i’ve lived. the proof that i’ve lived. the feeling i’ve lived. the, “see what i did?”

but down and around me…in my pushing through…most of life is being dispersed and pushed right up and away from me. like the waters off the bow of my boat.

i don’t like that being. the pushing…and the grasping back at what’s been pushed…all at once…

this feeling of always coming up short…always discouraged…

but new to me, is the just being more…

the just being still more

it wasn’t really a choosing-voluntarily, i’m ashamed. it was truthfully my self saying, “this just can’t be anymore…isn’t really being at all, really.”

some things needed to change.

so i’ve started…i’ve stilled

or am trying to.

and while i practice at it, the gooslings settle down at my feet, preen themselves and fall asleep…

and the purring, black kitty slinks up into my lap and kneads…

and the children come in ones and twos, eager to share and to ask and to listen…

and the tiniest blooms seemingly spring up right next to me…ones i’ve never before seen. or remember seeing. or (most likely) just missed while scanning up and steaming straight away…

i’ve strived right on past, i think.

i’ve constantly moved in the hopeful direction of the something (occasionally) extraordinary…

but the occasional’s always lead me to grow weary. feeling spent and worn out. the strived and exhausted stamping out most of the extraordinary in it. and then the inevitable feeling compelled to be up and off…to search out and try again. again and again

this just being more…this more still…simple and slow…is much more benevolent to me. it just seemingly hands me all this extraordinary just in my every day. all this unexpected pouring in and filling right up…instead of rushing and pushing right out. there’s so much extraordinary…so much living…so much being…in the ordinary of the simple along-the-way.

unexpected…undeserved…never strived for or achieved on my own. extraordinary full-being in just my simplest, ordinariest of days.

that’s something so new and unexpected…

i feel full…without all of the having tried to

i’m being!


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fifty-two mondays…

fifty-two reasons…and then some…to smile!


who knew!?!

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sneaking away after half had headed off to bed…and meeting with the two of them…my “triad”…

giggling…and encouraging…and exhorting…

and praying


not getting to sleep until well after this day had turned into the next…

and instead of feeling tiredfeeling amazingly refreshed!

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escaping to the mountain…to the same place we’ve been retreating to now for 22 years…

the “snow cabin”

that does sit on the mountain…but where there’s never always snow…

for 5 whole days and 4 whole sleeps filled with a crackling fire…and movies all curled up…and naughty-nummy food…and puzzles pieced together…and giggles ‘round games…and soaks in the big bearclaw tub…and long walks…

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and the rushing of the river bending ‘round us the first sound heard when we wake, and the last as we drift off to sleep

and the sole little magnet on the fridge declaring my thoughts…exactly

“i come to the mountain to breathe!

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getting my monthly visit with dr. liz…

and doing more chatting and giggling…more “catching up” than “checking up”

and hearing that sweetest little heartbeat again!

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waking to the sound of him outside chopping the kindling for this morning’s fire…

i’m gonna miss that sound when the weather turns warmer

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chocolate chip mint ice cream in the freezer

and stealing a spoonful (or 4) throughout my day!

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::  it’s all ‘cause he wants to be a good example for me…on how to apply the Truth we heard today on “sabbath rest”…that he’s lying here next to me in grampa’s old chair with all those snores escaping his lips!

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him and me locking our door.  locking out the kids…and the “to do’s”…and (even) the start of this monday!

getting to visit with dr. liz…and hearing that little heartbeat again

finding a sweet note in my box when we got back home.  a sweet friend just checking on me ‘cause she was worried…that i was worried…about the (maybe) not getting to hear it again…

and getting to sit next to a doe-eyed little mister…and sharing a dinner with him and his daddy and mama.  prepared for just them…and him and me

altogether a lovely…and very smiley…monday!

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