#44

cracking it open…and getting a whiff of her and him

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my lovely little jar of gramma ruth’s leftover slivers of soaps.

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::  i think maybe they’re thinkin’ they’re gonna get to move out into their igloo once they’ve got it all made!

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life on my sill

i turned my back on my kitchen sink and headed off to bed tonight…even the minimal in me grinning at the cluttered state of my sill…

there’s a little purple saintpaulia…with two sweet little blooms…that grammy brought to cheer her mama,  gramma mary, when she was living out her last few days here.  and it just stayed on…thankfully…the thoughts of them it continually conjures up keeping me company while my hands are so often in the sink…

and there’s four, plump, red-ripe tomatoes that somehow found their way there from our always-generous mister paul and miss mary across the street…

and there’s a little, white bottle full of melatonin…that my midwife knew would help my pregnant brain settle down to sleep…

and there’s (even) a bloody tooth that was yanked out by that determined ten-year-old right before she headed off to dream…

and there’s a curiously-angular rock that grampy and that emma-girlso very little at the time…painted during one of our visits with them.  his sweet little red heart in the middle…her splotches of color o’er the rest…

and there’s a tiny rectangle of wood framing one of my most favorite pictures of him…when we were both still so young…and relishing in one of those most-memorable days on “our” island

and there’s a dainty, little silk sunflower that three-year-old jack found and presented to me when we were very first settling in here…“picked” for me from out of the overabundance of gramma mary’s craft supplies still left over down in the basement…

and it should probably all be tidied tomorrow…especially that tooth!

but for tonight…it’s just an utterly lovely reminder…againthat there is life here!

so much life having been lived…being livedright here!

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#43

the mama to the west interrupting my wrestling with that bigger-than-the-sink-(and-me), covered-all-over-with-grease and left-way-too-long-before-washing roasting pan with her knock at our door…

just to say “hi”…and “congrats in person!”…and “how have you been?”…

an all-too-typical…“i won’t be next door but for a moment!”…visit between her and me!

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::  eian’s spastic hairs are tickling my cheek.  if i turn my nose right into them and breathe deep, they smell like little boy, sleep and yesterday’s shampoo…

i love that smell…

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dear wee little one,

today was a pretty typical sunday…

there was the running around trying to match a clean top to a clean bottoms…and finding the other shoe to match the one…

and there was the jostling around one another in front of the mirror…trying to get our hairs all the way straight…

and there was the hurrying out the door…the minutes ticking away before everyone was gathered and ready to start…

and then there was our gatheringour communitylistening for His words through our singing and the teaching and the encouraging one another…

and there was the coming home and collapsing…

and the fire getting lit in the hearth

and daddy’s eyes closing in grampa’s old chair…

and then…finally…everyone all sprawled out ‘round the room and realizing all at once…that tomorrow was already mondayagain!

and the day just…went

like last sunday did…and next is (almost) sure to…

only…it wasn’t how i’d imagined it when i’d circled it on my calendar all those long 8 months ago…

i’d imagined that…this day…i might have been finally holding you in my arms…

and i know…i knowHis arms are infinitely more wonderful than mine

but still…i just hadn’t imagined this day going so typically the way that it went…

i’d imagined…and hoped…for a wee little one…

i’d imagined…and hoped…for a wee little…you

but for now…for this day…i’m just still so longing and looking forward to that anything-but-typical…most glorious…day!

when i finally get to seebothof you!

very sincerely,
me (your missing-you-ever-still mama)

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#42

being reminded…the very first thing…as i worked away at my chores…

that i belong to Him…and not even the gates of hell can prevail against me!

and if not even thatthen how can a little ol’ monday!?!

He is already victorious over all of my days!

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#41

hearing…

this!

one of the very best sounds on this whole earth!

i think i may just be forever endeared to mondays!

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#40

there were lots o’ reasons today, actually…

but especially at the very end of it…when him and me were finally all tucked into our bed

with me turned in close and one-eye-peaking over his shoulder at the book he was reading a bit before sleep…

and after interrupting…maybe more than the once…i inquired who’d authored his book…

and then…again…i observed, “he likes hyphens…”

to which…his eyes never leaving the page…he casually replied, “almost as much as you like your ellipsis…”

and then i quickly argued something about how i just write the same way that i talk!  that i’m just never done talking…or thinking

and he countered…just as swiftly…that “yes”, i never do seem to run out of words…

and that sometimes

all he hears is, “…”!

and that made me smile…and laugh…a lot!

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on this day in…

~ 2001 ~

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1 + 13

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